Callie Bradford

Hello world! My Biggest Life Lesson.

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Welcome to the very first blog post on my new website!  I’ve been contemplating what to write, what to call it etc and have put it off for weeks because of my mind going back and forth.  Yesterday the house was quiet and Gregory Porter was playing in the background and it came to me.  Write about your biggest life lesson!

Recently I experienced by far one of the worst heartaches of my lifetime, DIVORCE.  This blog isn’t meant for anyone to feel sorry for me or anything like that.  Its meant to help someone that may be going though what I went through or someone who may be contemplating divorce.  My message to you is to read this post and pray long and hard before you tell your spouse, your friends or call a lawyer.  A scripture came to mind as the words of what to write came flooding into my spirit. What God has put together let no man seperate (Matthew 19:6)! There is an exclamation point there for a reason.  Gods word says, no man….and that means just that. No man, no woman, no friend, no relative, no preacher, no counselor and certainly not a lawyer.  Oftentimes, we go to people for advice thinking they have our best interest at heart but the reality is we are all broken in someway with our own story of how we see things so we give advice based on our own lens of life not based on the word of God. Imagine if we gave advice to married couples struggling based on the word of God.  The advice would be words of encouragement, of love, peace and understanding.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says love is patient, love is kind, it doesn’t envy, its doesn’t boast and is not proud. Love always protects, hopes, trusts and always preserves.  If the advice you are given doesn’t sound anything like the above, run like the wind because it is not God’s will for your life or marriage.  Did you know that even friends and family have hidden and disingenuous reasons for giving advice that further divides your union. Their own past heartaches and heart breaks, their own jealousy and envy  of what you have.  There are all kinds of motives that people have when giving advice and the truth is, unfortunately in this world misery loves company.  Of course the advice may make you feel empowered in the short term, and you say yeah, I don’t have to take this!  Right, then you come out ready to fight with harsh words, brutal and painful actions that drive you even further down the expensive road to divorce.  Lies get told, attorneys get involved and hearts are broken even more and then you feel as if the only way is to get the divorce, I certainly thought that until one day standing in my kitchen a little voice said get around the people of God and this is where I want you to go.  Through my teary eyes and broken heart I did what my spirit said do and from that point on my heart started to change.  Unfortunately it was too late, the damage had been done and there was no turning back especially once the attorneys got involved. I find it very telling that to begin your union you stand in front a man or woman of God and in divorce you stand in front of a judge that with the drop of a loud gavel pronounces you divorced.  Your not surrounded by your family who willingly come with to your nuptials with love and hope in their hearts.  You’re there in a cold court room with wooden seats , no windows and no heart.  The attorneys are paid to win no matter what, they fuel the fire and spark behaviors in the two people you never thought imaginable.  One of my lawyer friends whom I love (not all lawyers are bad) said as an attorney we are paid to win for our clients and we throw everything against the wall to see what sticks.  Yep, that happened.  Terrible allegations, threats about what could happen, alimony, child support, the fear of never seeing your child again all get the best of you and you fight back.  You know God works in mysterious ways and Ive seen many posts and articles about this or that person getting a divorce from celebrities to us common folk… and the story from the attorney was the exact same each time. What a scam!! Yet, we are fooled to think that what the attorney is saying is just for us and we are somehow different from the hundreds of other divorces they have done over the years. We think they somehow care about our well-being. Wrong!  At the end of the divorce you are penniless, broken and living in an apartment while your divorce attorney is spending a month vacationing in Mexico on your dime because you somehow thought the attorney was your friend and they weren’t just doing their job.  Ha, ha the jokes on us!  OK, so enough about the attorneys and back to the reason for this blog.  If any of the above is happening to you right now please take the time to think clearly, rationally and look to the WORD of God for answers.  HIS word is meant to protect us from ourselves and the ways of the world that are based on our fleshly desires and not HIS will for our lives.  Before you call an attorney, friend or family sit down with GOD, read your word and ask for wisdom and understanding about what you should do.  If its not in his WORD then you are going down the wrong path and it won’t be pretty.  I also ask that you take yourself out of the equation for a moment. Think of your spouse, yep your spouse no matter what he or she has done.  We are all imperfect people who are just trying to navigate our way through life.  We all have past pains and disappointments that shape and mold who we are.  Are you accepting the faults of your spouse or are you constantly judging them because their views are not yours?  Also think of the children that you have created through your union.  The besr advice came from a child who said “ok so you tried to work it out so try harder” and then from a man of God who said “the best gift you give your child is the gift of their mother and father loving each other and living under one roof”.  Do you want your child stuck in the middle of your drama, coming out damaged and caught in the cross fire and living between two different households?  Im sure you don’t. Take it from me divorce doesn’t just hurt the two going through, it hurts everyone around you and we all end up being mere casualties of war, forced to pick sides. I recently came across an article click the link to view Best Marriage Advice. Are you going to be the boiled egg, carrot or tea in your relationships? Feel free to post your comments and or experience.

This blog is meant to uplift and help us to live our best lives possible. Live on purpose and be the best version of YOU EVER!

This blog is just one of many about Faith, Food, Family and Love.

Check out this great book by Cedric Wells Called 99 Ways to Love Your Spouse, and Divorce Is Not 1

http://cedric014.wix.com/cedricwellsbooks

 

Peace Love and Blessings

Callie

 

10 Comments
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  2. Fantastic! Thanks for being brave enough to share your heart. We all grow through honesty.

  3. Great heartfelt post.

  4. Thanks!

  5. Thanks for sharing Callie! As always, your blog shows both humility and growth. What a blessing to be your sister/friend! Continue to walk in love and forgiveness. 🙂

  6. If I told you how perfect and on time this blog is for my life u wouldn’t believe it. Definitely a word sent from above! Thank u for sharing.

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